Archive for March 2003

open letter to Gateway computers.

Fuck you, Gateway, you’re a fucking biter, and you suck. Get an original idea for once instead of biting all the fucking time.

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funny dream

I was dreaming about us staying in a hotel room with some cartoon friends, and we had to keep quiet because of a baby or a light sleeper in the room with us. Something happened where all these basic shapes like baby toys, blocks, balls, etc, started flying around the room like an amusing oversized pinball machine with the friction set to near zero. So things are ping ponging around the room, being amusingly annoying, the opposite of quiet.. which is what we wanted in the first place – quiet! After a while, thing start to cancel each other out.. Three balls ran into each other and -poink- disappeared in a cartoony flash… One of the cartoon friends in the room, a cute quiet bugs bunny kind of animal.. A bat, was chasing another couple of toys around the floor. He produced an old box camera, took a picture of one of the toys, which produced a huge laser beam and obliterated it, the threw the camera at another toy, producing another humorous cartoon flash and disappearance of the last toy.

with that, everyone started to go to sleep. The bat, being a bat, crawled up the curtains to what I now see are 80 foot ceilings, attached himself up there, and fell backwards into a cartoon angel halo/circular shower curtain get up, hanging from the ceiling. There I am looking essentially straight up at him, and then my brain makes this connection that he fell on me, hard, because something jumped on me…

this is where I have to say and then I woke up… but what’s so funny is that that’s not the end of the story. My wife  had jumped on me, because a spider had descended on her from our bookshelf above our heads as she was reading. So 10,000 years of genetic memory can’t be wrong, and she freaked out and jumped out of the way, ironically onto me as I was having this dream about watching something perilously hanging above me, poised to fall on me. Weird!!

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the downside of blogging

I know blogging is all the rage, with rss feeds and whatnot. I think I get the importance of it. I can certainly see where it would come in handy at work here internally for non-sensitive projects. What concerns me is that I don’t want your blog to turn into how I keep up with your life in lieu of actually talking to you. I don’t think it’s too far off the thought trail to imagine that people expect to use email and now AIM, which are great communications tools, but still involve some thought-translation-interaction etiquette. Reading your blog is great, because I can see into the thoughts that don’t come up when we talk in person, or even with other comm-media, but I don’t want to have to read your blog to know what’s going on. Blogging is so monolithic. “here are my thoughts, you gotta read ’em to keep up with me”… No, we must resist the urge to expect this, lest we lose the ability to actually have to talk to each other, in realtime. Man, no joking, think nerds have social problems now? Move down the path of blogging for a few generations, and we will need all this wireless tech and man-machine interfaces just say boring crap like “pass the dayglow ketchup”…

don’t get me wrong, having an online journal is cool, it’s just not the abundant wave of stimulating flow of ideas like how it was sold to me as. I post an idea on this site, and I can see people are reading it, but there’s no feedback with an rss reader. You want to fix what’s colossally wrong with newsfeeds, close the feedback loop. I can publish, and I have provisions for you to respond, but not if you’re reading from netnewswire, or whatever you’re using… It’s like I’m broadcasting out to the stars waiting for someone to hear me. updated thoughtit’s worse than that, I know you can hear me!

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caching reports

We have pages that get visited by our EVP and higher (and lower) that show a sort of dashboard of the status of a couple of the offers we have running at work. This page shows the breakdown of the visitor’s web browser, OS platform, total number of orders from the start or the program, number of orders since our relaunch, and then a bar chart of orders per day. We’ve been running this offer for 5 months or so, so this dashboard page got downright pokey to load. My EVP suggested it would be much nicer if he didn’t have to wait to see it load up because of the 4 million sql record scans and evaluations it must be doing ny now. So, to help speed it up, I replaced all the “echo” statements with “$display_block .=” and write everything out to a “data file” which I include at render time for the dashboard page. – have to run this generator every 5 minutes or so, so that’ll get put into a cron task… Gotta install Fink and Lynx, as that’s a terrific way to run .php files on cron tasks…

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slashdot Informant…

how exciting, I’m an official informant for a slashdot story wheee!

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